It's Christmas time in the country

Thankful for:

K with all her big plans-she now has her permit (what is the world coming to?!) Which means J and I have to scramble if ever want to drive anywhere.:)

The prospect of staying in a flat with A and L and tea parties and lots or romanticism and olden-day chick-flicks. :)

The prospect of getting a mentor at Houghton....I'm
making a list of older women that I respect as wise and after more
prayer and narrowing it down-I think I'll get up the nerve and ask if
one or two would be up for it....I'm totally new to it, but I'm
convinced it would be healthy to have that support there.

Christmas eve service with candles and old friends

Christmas morning, however grumpy I might be at the ungodly hour of 9am

Opening presents and throwing the wrappings at each other.

H and M's amazing knitting skills. Everyone got a knit hat from one of them-they were really quite beautiful-very French:)

The creativity my parents have when it comes to gift giving-J's gift had to be done with clues and charades-super fun.

And....our traditional sledding with neighbors

Christmas dinner with some friends from church.

That my parents are wise and patient and willing to have deep talks about -virtually anything-they're good listeners.

Friends concerned when we pretend we're not home and don't pick up the phone. :)

The upcoming trip to visit Dad's family.

New Years and (hopefully) realistic resolutions. (other than staying up deliciously late:)?

God bless!

As of Late

In this Christmas season I am reminded just how much God blesses us with family in Christ-across the globe. It is so humbling to see Christ working in and among other's lives.
A busy semester has ended and I also am thrilled to be spending time with family. Every moment with my family has calls for gratefulness. Mom picked me up on the way home and we had a wonderful, deep talk over dinner and then we went Christmas shopping and sang Christmas carols at the top of our lungs for the rest of the way home. I spent Saturday hemming/adjusting all the clothes I had brought home to sew...Church was lovely on Sunday and that afternoon we went on the traditional Christmas tree hunting escapade. We went to the high school Christmas concert Kaytlin performed in-it was truly beautiful. The music made me want to close my eyes and soak it all in. There was an eclipse of the moon last night and we stayed up viewing Lie to me (love the English accents) in order to see it.
My little sister H reminds me of myself at that age. She loves tea parties and the book Anne of Green Gables and dressing up and American Girl Dolls and is a total romantic. Then there is K, 16, crazy about driving, super mature, drop dead gorgeous with flaming red hair, loves action movies, a book worm-we're very close. She is finishing off the last few days in school before break. And then there is J,back from the little tiny art college were he is learning to teach photography. He is a huge witness as an RA on his floor, goes on trips to feed the homeless and has dealt with everything from busting people with drugs to hosting pancake parties and finding his room stuffed with balloons-very mature for his age. Mom and Dad are doing well....Dad's working hard as the superintendent on camp as usual-he orchestrates a lot of up keep for the fairly old rersort-esque buildings. And Mom is as full of life and creativity as ever, selling cards, homeschooling Hannah, singing and trusting God with every up and down that comes. Please pray for her and Dad traveling to Boston-us kids are at home (partae!) And on top of all this I woke up this morning to smell of Hannah-made pancakes with blueberry syrup.
I am inspired to count my blessings and I could go on forever counting, but for now I just want to say thank you. It is always uplifting, encouraging, edifying hearing from you.

yours truly
butterfly girl


Corina Gochenaur

Hello, my poor neglected thoughts!

Things cherished:

A fancy "picnic" with various roommate-less hall-mates before October break. Complete with sparkling grapejuice and pomegranites-definitely a favorite memory.

Tea one insomniac night with our neighbors.

Homecoming dance with lights in the trees and wedding music (scandal I know:)

2 hours spent trying to secure, speakers, lounge and movie for a movie night

Java dates

Crazy writing exercises for class.

A teacher yelling "fight!" before a debate.

My family's day long visit-apple picking-my sisters antique hat and heels-laughing with Mom and Dad-stopping at a random restaurant for lunch-making me homesick for weeks.

Alex's lovely, elegant, full-of-laughs bridal shower.

My roomy's animated stories of a crazy high school teacher.

Our Secret Santa party

Spending hours throwing clothes over shoulders aiding Kate in her attempt to not look like "a frumpy" college kid during a presentation to perspective students.

Fights over whether grapefruits really do smell "manly."

October break

Oh, and october break was wonderful-I spent with some friends in Indiana-we went shopping in civilization-it was amazing and warm. Homeade food, leasurely walks, movies, shopping, frozen custard, corn mazes, roasting marshamallows...need anything more be said?

Yours truly
butterfly girl

End of october already!

Hello darlings!
This semester has truly embodied insanity (in a good way)and I am looking forward to a fresh start next semester. I keep thinking that "things will settle after a while." They haven't. You can definitely pray for time management skills for me.
I've finally declared my majors-English and Education
Took 17 credits this semester, but it's winding down.
Having a blast teaching Hannah creative writing via skype.
Taking advantage of all the extra curricular activities (perhaps too much so:) Thinking of studying abroad next fall-but still figuring out if it's even possible Long term dream: teaching at an international school in Europe-I'm a total romantic and love Europe.
My roommate's wonderful and I know I've definitely grown a lot spiritually.
Keeping up with my (oh so glamorous) bathroom cleaning job. :)


Oh, I wish I could just reach through the screen to give you all a big hug.

God bless!

butterflygirl

Hello darlings!
I know, I've been horrible at keeping up. The past few weeks have been rather (ok, really,) busy, but I am enjoying college immensely and definitely growing spiritually.

Thankful for:
An amazing relationship with my roomate
6:30-7:30 prayer
reconnecting with friends
my little sister
acorn-cap necklaces
Literature courses
tea
Hosanna-acapella singing group
"Tea and Texts"on Fridays
An upcoming accountability group meeting with some bosom friends
Lessons and fellowship at Rushfor Baptist church
The cafeteria's new, and fresher food
super chocolatey icecream
late night workouts
And times like this, when I thought my day would be super busy, but a class ended up being cancelled and I find I have more time and a greater appreciation of it.

I'll catch up all up on more details later.

Prayer requests:
For Burma and the ongoing genocide there
A custodial person who just underwent surgery b/c of cancer
For my family and church back home and brother in Delaware

Yours truly
butterflygirl

Hello my lovelies!

And for all those who dare to scoff at that nickname (my un-romantics), I have no pity.
I am currently lounging around at THE AIRPORT. Naturally, I have been gyped again into paying the $7.98 for exact 24 hours of "boing" airport internet. Who names something that anyway? It sounds similar to a boomerang. Seeing as I needed to check some internet-communications (why I don't just lose all sense of dignity and say "facebook" has yet to be realized.) (Future note to self-get a cell-phone...after the car.) In any case it's looking like I'll be able to make it to THE COLLEGE sooner than expected (Praise the LOOOORD!)

So here's my thankful list today:

Thankful for parents that will wake up at some ungodly hour to say goodbye to their girlie.
AND THEN drive her to wherever she'll be off galavanting next.
WHILE graciously hosting guests AND navigating rides for other siblings.
Thankful for my beloved Jane Austen-who has accupied me today with the detestable antics of Mr Whilaughby (the nerve!)
I'm thankful for (albeit increasingly ashamed of) two very pink roll-on suit cases...of course bought while in a rather uninformed inspired state in which I imagined I could stand (the shame!) being that one business-woman with bright pink suitcases.
I'm thankful for the lovely stranger who couldn't speak English and needed help with a phone call. Have you ever helped someone at an airport? If you have, you can relate to the high. You're sitting there on the verge of utter boardome, and suddenly you are very much needed and relied upon and you feel useful and it's a bautiful thing.
Thankful for my future roomy!

Yours truly
butterflygirl

More reasons to celebrate:

Done with the dollar store job! WWWOOOOO HHOOOOOO!
Successfully made Mom's famous poppy seed bread.
At last got up the nerve to write to my compassion child in Spanish.
Was finally able to have one on one sister time with Kayt.
Am having one of those rare days where no amount of rain can dampen my spirits.

And I wish the same on all of you.

Yours truly,
butterflygirl

Good Sunday Morning

The sun is dapled every where and shining in the windows even this early. It's going to be a glorious day. So we're off to thank the Maker of this glorious morning and see our lovely church familly. And then (dun dun dun) a rock-climbing adventure! Dad used to rock climb so there's been eagerness to have him teach us some tricks before the summer's up. We're borrowing most of the supplies (using Dad's old gear would be rather....unsafe/suicidal.)
Naturally I'm a bit nervous having never once done something like that-but I figure hey, if our family can do our high ropes course, we'll be fine.

Wishing you a blessing and an adventure.

Your truly

Butterfly girl

Some favorite quotes for the day

Little Sis: "See this is a bruise got last week, oh, and then there's this little cut there when I fell and then there this big bruise....oh and this scar, this is Vernon Dersly 'cause it's big."




The Sister: (refering to knee boarding)"I feel like my brain's have been knocked around."
Third party (aka me): "Your brains have been knocked around long before that."
The Sister: "I'll knock YOUR brains around!"





Dad (to THe SIster): I have risked my life too many times taking a shower after you have! (referring to the coat of conditioner left in the bathtub)


Hope these made you smile!

Corina

Hello once again my lovelies.
Jobs are windigng down, last minute visits are speeding by and I am savoring the anticipation of heading back to college so delightfully soon. Summer has been glorious but I have begun to miss my Houghton friends...the philosophical debates over the lunch table and the campus in general....well, ok the independence.
Speaking of, guess what I (finally!) got? Driver's License! Woooohooo! Mom and I celebrated with icecream. Toaday I took my first trip into town w/out a parent-dropped The Sister of at work, and went shopping feeling oh so grown up :) And belive it or not it was actually kind of fun driving-although I'm sure I still drove like a white haired woman who can barely see above her driving wheel-don't mock me! I aspire to be one!

Yours trully
Butterfly girl

Hello, here I am once again to refute any suspicion that I have gone into early hibernation.
Quite the opposite I assure you:) Although my online Adolescent Lit course ended, this last month is making up for the leisure of the rest of the summer and still being wonderful. I am working three very part time jobs-one at a dollar store and two nannying. Trying to fit in those last minute catch-up-on-life visits with lovely friends. Mom's in berry heaven, picking blackberries, raspberries and blueberries practically every day and making delicious desserts. I finished my two-week cooking goal but continue to add fun recipes to my collection. My next (might happen) goal is to make and outfit from a pattern-entirely on my own (not excluding verbal help/directions from my dear madre.) College text-books have been ordered and I'm hoping to ship some stuff down soon, seeing as that weekend is quite busy at camp so I'll be getting to college via train. (Although rather romantic, still the reality of only being able to bring two bags:)
The weather has been glorious. Just a few days ago we had a beach date w/ some of mom's friends. And although I managed to get a killer sunburn, it still was lovely (thank you aloe-vera!). Call me crazy but there is just something so luxurious about lounging around all bathing-suit, hat and pearls on a beach. Especially when the water's not numbing!
And now my lovelies, I am off to nannying.

Farewell for now

Yours truly
butterflygirl

the gist of the past 4 weeks :)

To my dearest Darlings,
I have let an entire month slip by and will simply have to do my best at summarizing the past 4 weeks:
Well my first week home was entirely taken up in the delight of unpacking. Reclaiming, reorganizing and redecorating my room...launching into my online Adolescent Lit. course and catching up with family. One of my summer goals is to cook supers for my family for at least 2 weeks. Well, around the time I got home I embarked on my first week of cooking adventures armed with several cut out Martha Stewart recipes and grandiose plans. The fire alarm was turned off by the second meal. :) It actually turned out quite well...accept for the last night, during which I managed to cook all of 5 cups of rice in 8 cups of water-I had misread and thought 1 serving was 1 cup. We could have survived an ice age with all that rice.
The second week, I learned to juggle course work with fun as I visited my dear friend Janene in Rhode Island. Hot breakfasts lounging on the porch, homegrown strawberries, museums, boutiques, restaurants, mansions, evening walks, oldy movies. Need I say more? It was entirely and totally lovely and I am indebted to her.
The third week was spent resettling and job searching while our friend's kids stayed at the house and Kayt crammed for regents.
And this last week has been spent babysitting, cleaning houses, doing course work and spending time with my lovely Lesa. J took off work and made clear that I could not "hog her." We went hot-tubbing and hiking and played Scattagories and read in the evenings. I loved the girl chats and the laughter she brought. I'm getting pouty already just thinking of her having left. :(
But.....next weekend I'm off to beloved Mackenzie's for her 18th Birthday! YAAAAAY! Super psyched and ready for a blast. I can just tell it's going to be entirely elegant and perfect.
Well, there you are (now this list-lover can cross another thing off:) It's going to be in the 80s this entire week...I plan to enjoy every moment of it. And thus I abandon computer for sun.

Yours truly
butterfly girl

Weekend quotes

There is nothing like waking up on a Saturday and spending as much time as you want to make absoutely divine oatmeal. I followed Martha Stewarts tip and steeped aromatic spices in the milk before making the oatmeal. Lovely.

And Dad intorduced me to a veritable Ghandi of basketball: John Wooden.
Love the quotes:
"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out."

"Never mistake activity for achievement."

"Adversity is the state in which man mostly easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then."

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

[+] Enlarge
Jeff Lewis/US Presswire
Wooden's wisdom has withstood the test of time.
"Be prepared and be honest."

"You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one."

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."

"What you are as a person is far more important that what you are as a basketball player."

"Winning takes talent, to repeat takes character."

"A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment."

"I'd rather have a lot of talent and a little experience than a lot of experience and a little talent."

"If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?"

"If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything. I'm positive that a doer makes mistakes."

"It isn't what you do, but how you do it."

"Ability is a poor man's wealth."

"Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be."

"Consider the rights of others before your own feelings, and the feelings of others before your own rights."

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."

"Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability."

"It's not so important who starts the game but who finishes it."

"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."

"It's the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen."

"Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."

"The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team."

"Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming."

"Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts."

Home!

Do you ever find yourself pleasantly surprised at how lovely 6 hours in the car can be? My mom and sis came Wed night. WE had a lovely girls night with Britney and Alexandra watching The Young Victoria. Absolutely wonderful. :) The following day, I left as soon as class got out. It was nice listening to music and of course a Harry Potter tape...with several hours of shopping towards the end. In-car hours become much more pleasant when one has several reprieves. Arrived home last night around 9 and felt entitled to scream "I'm home!" at the top of my lungs. It felt good. And since then I have been in a happily harried state of excitement. Unpacking, redecorating and rearranging my room to my new taste (which tends to change often:) Dusting, vacuuming, scheduling, calling about jobs, writing letters, making bags of hand-me downs...etc. I'm taking the online Adolescent Literature course, which will go towards me graduating early. Oh! Did I tell you my latest major? Teaching English! I feel like I've come full circle, rediscovering my great passion for reading and writing.
One of my goals for the summer is to cook suppers for my family two weeks in a row...ON MY OWN....so starting Monday...I'm warning my family to have much grace when things start smoking, and the alarm goes off and when we end up with half-cooked, or overcooked or not enough....I'm actually pretty excited...
Briefly helped Mom weed the garden today...fresh dirt is beautiful, the process of revealing it not quite so much. It was funny pulling up weed and finding the many discarded shells form ocean visits, and various, gems and beads that had fallen off the porch...a veritable treasure hunt.:)

Yours truly,
Butterfly girl

Deciphering

Deciphering the meaning of a particularly complex book
Is like trying to unwrap a chocolate that has melted and hardened several times over
Little chips of chocolate crumble off here and there
And when the bulk of it finally comes loose
You are surprised at the strange wrinkled shape.

An essay on The Communist Manifesto

Marx. The name goes off like a firecracker around the table. Devoured like a personal offense to each and every hearer. And why? Whatever could one do to become so delightfully infamous? To be known from across nations down to the very individual. “You’re reading the Communist Manifesto?!” Bullets start flying. Words like “individualism,” lack of motivation,” “unfair.”
But I see his side. History is constantly being shaped by the conflict between social classes. Marx seeks to end this conflict. Is a vision of equality and prevention of conflict not beautiful? This man writes passionately about the freedom of the oppressed and the hope of a new society. “All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned and man is at last compelled to face with sober senses his real conditions of life and his relations with his kind.” He points at the prejudice of the ruling class or bourgeoisie as well as their dominance over production. “The modern laborer…instead of rising with the progress of industry, sinks deeper and deeper below the conditions of existence of his own class.” “…the proleteriat alone is a really revolutionary class…the bourgeoisi therefore produces its own gravediggers.” He sees a society where land and factories are owned and allotted by the state, and there is peace.
However, there are innate problems, with Marx’s ideas. He fails to look behind class conflict and see the human nature. As a Christian I believe we live in a fallen world and have a sin nature. It is because of this nature that Marx’s solution fails. People cannot work just to work. We are, at times, motivated by selfish ambition: reward. The American dream implies that if you work hard, you move up; however true or false this may be we do need motivation outside of ourselves. There is also the idea of a community of women. In their defense, the communists state that the family already is corrupted. They examine how men cheat on their wives and go on to say that it “…is in reality a system of wives in common.” Although the family is corrupted, it is a hasty and bold generalization to think that all men cheat on their wives. A community of women would in fact create the dehumanization that Marx writes against.
In this way Marx vision fell short. It is impossible to make a beautiful society with imperfect people. In dashing rhetoric and passionate expression, Marx proclaims his vision of a peaceful society. And the yearning within the human heart for peace is a beautiful thing…a vision which in no way should be banned, but rather supplement with material that points out flaws in the solution. As a piece of literature pertaining to society it is beautiful, albeit misguided. Our hearts yearn for peace on earth, our natures make hell on earth, and because of that conflict we cannot create heaven on earth.

Good Tuesday morning!

It's supposed to be sunny all week! I love lounging around luxuriously, drenched in sun and poetry. The madness of class seems to be winding down rapidly and is picking up a more relaxed pace. Simply lovely. I was laying in the grass yesterday. I woke up eye-level to all these little white flowers. To think that each of them is a way God loves us, and every leaf on every tree and every blade of grass was made for us. How great is His love.

Yours truly
butterfly girl

Friday girls night!

There is absolutely nothing like driving an hour for icecream instead of supper. ("Life is short, eat dessert first.") ColdWater Creek. We sat on the curb eating the richest most amazing icecream while hearing of Pooh and Winnie's search for a "hefalump." On the way home, windows rolled down, enjoying the warm night air, blasting Christmas music. Absolutely lovely.

Today is just as lovely...warm heady spring air, smelling of future rain. I am working on living in the moment. Not for it, but in it. To be present where I am, when I am to see God's glory in the here and now.

Yours truly,
Butterflygirl

Hello there!
Caterpillars are still waging an aerial attack on Houghton.
But other than the caterpillars, life is wonderful. I got a room to myself in Lambein for may term, without having to pay for a single. Decorating and setting up was a total blast. The banned books course is really great. It's forcing me to draw my own line when authors are abusing their power over readers, and when uncomfortable, ugly subjects are needed to make a good point.
Me and the other girlies have had deep discussions. Particularly pertaining to whether or not it would be possible to get married, and then secretly become a pre-nun for a year. During which you'd start a black market of lace and jewelry and then eventually quit. It would just be oh so romantic to be able to tell your grandchildren..."Yes I was a nun once..."
Last night we watched a modern movie about Romeo and Juliet. Hardly anyone else was in the theater. It was so nice to get indignant at the characters, dreamy eyed over Italy and breathless over true love. Beforehand we went to a little coffee shop. There was live music, antique decorations, couches and general aire of quaintness. Note to self: maybe I'll run a coffee shop.

Yours imaginatively

Butterfly girl

What to do when torurously bored

1. Read a book.

2.Check e-mail.

3. Dream about and research your future apartment. They cheapest apartment I found was $350 per month and I could live in Paris for $1,200 per month.

4. Skype your lovely family back home....i could hear the kettle whistling, mom cooking, Jordy playing guitar...

5. Make a list of complaints just to get it out of your system:
Lunch wasn't served today
Can't go to graduation because I don't have a ticket
Library's closed
Rainy outside
Cold outside
Have to move to Lambein later

6. Explore wherever you are
For me that was Gillette

7. Make a list of what you found:

An out of tune piano dedicated to some one's mother. I wondered how many times fingers had coaxed tunes out of it. Played Fur Elise on it-still sounded bad. But the keys were definitely poem worthy.

Found some ancient pictures in a nook near the fireplace in the basement

Found a lovely Victorian looking chair in one of the fourth story study-nooks. They all have windows. Now all I need is some hot cocoa and a book.

Found my favorite lounge on fourth floor to. Window, comfy chairs, eclectic and cozy. Note to self: new haunt.

Found a small dark closet in the basement-wish it had a light.

8. Write a grumpy poem:
Today holds as much pleasure as a stale cracker.
Past it's expiration date
or freezer-burnt ice cream
At the bottom of the box
Or how bathrooms smell
When they need cleaned
Today feels like a poem tied to a chair
Beaten for meaning
Or the stain
You can't get out of the carpet
Or the weariness
Before you even get out of bed
Today is like a computer screen
Flat
Or a sidewalk
With no daisies
I kneel with my ear to the pavement
Straining to hear what it's saying.

9. Put on some jazz music, lipstick and a smile and realize that if people could die from boredom you'd have 9 lives.

10.Update your blog or write in a diary.

catepillars and commencement

Well hello, my lovelies!
Finals have at last finished. It was so sad and strange to watch most everyone pack up and leave. I'm saying through commencement week and then doing Mayterm. Mayterm is basically where students use up their extra (paid-for) credits in 1 or 2 intensive, month-long courses. I'll be taking a Banned Books course. I'm quite excited. We're reading things like the Communist Manifesto ect. It'll be really good to be taught about those books form a Christian perspective.
I feel so blessed to have discovered kindred spirits here, most of which share my love for literature and romanticism. Which may be a contributing factor in why I am now leaning towards a English major. Come to find out, it would only take 2 years to get my masters and then teach it. Which is what I came to Houghton for originally. :) This summer I'm hoping to get a job that will gie me some experience...we'll see.
And last but certainly not least....CATERPILLARS ARE TAKING OVER HOUGHTON!
There was a time when spring was fresh a beautiful and all the trees were budding and their blossoms fell all around...and then the caterpillars came. First, aerial attack. They hung from spider-web strings in the trees. I often appreciated how the trees here drape gracefully over the walk-ways. No longer. You do not see these caterpillars hanging until they are about an inch away from your face and then you turn around to see more and you are suddenly trapped as they blow in the wind on their invisible strings. Now, don't get me wrong I generally am predisposed to caterpillars. Turning into a butterfly is like redemption. But these caterpillars are the ones that kill trees with thick nasty tunnel webs. So once you get used to skirting around all trees. You look down and realise that what you tought where just tree-sheddings on the walk-way are caterpillars. And with every step you try not to imagine what is smooshed beneath your shoes. It doesn't smell like spring anymore. It is warm and muggy. It smells like caterpillars. You open a door and look down to see the door frame covered in caterpillars. It's like a plague. I am thoroughly disgusted. My skin crawls. BLAEEEEH!!!!

Spanish-final:tomorrow 8am

Spanish
I know it’s a romantic language
I’m partial to Spanish men
Particularly dashing and rich ones
Spanish
I know God speaks in Spanish
But also Swahili and English and more
Spanish
I have dreams of living surrounded by you
Hopes of adopting your culture
And a headache from your verbs
Spanish
Would that you for once lay aside your tenses
And sooth the heart of a feeble-minded
Dreamer

what can I say? I'm in a poetical mood.

I hate you
Like the morning sun that makes me squint
Petals we all tip toe on guiltily
Stars make me crave significance
Like your grin
I hate you
Like bare foot prints on kitchen tiles
Hot chocolate stains on a book
Elegant nicotine in Hepburn’s lungs
Only creosote stains
Like your voice
I hate you
Like a picture telling me I could be in Paris
Sexy blue flags on drops of chocolate
Heels cause blisters
Like your touch
I hate you
The way books smell
Like ink stained fingers
On graffiti notes
Jazz beat
Like your steps
I hate you
Like chewing pizza crust
Staying dry when it’s raining
Only daisies growing through side walks
Know my effort
I swear I tried

Tragedy

I am madly in love with you
I just talked to you for the first time
Since the beginning of the school year
We talked about the final we had just taken
Making common ground out of a tragic end
That was all to easy
Tragic because I wont get to watch you
Walk into class every morning
Tragic because I’ll miss your laugh
And the way your jeans fall over the backs of your shoes
Wear rags and
I’d still swear I’ve never seen a guy with more style
Tragic because I would fall madly in love with you
Before we spoke
But only realize it afterwords
Tragic because the first time we spoke
Was more like a goodbye
Is it wrong to be so happy over tragedy?

Last Day of Classes!

A beautiful sunny day greets up. Perhaps to heal us from months of academic masochism.

Found this really moving video-clip: a "War Prayer" by Mark Twain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXhJG7S9tjw

Yours truly,
Butterfly girl

If music were the only thing to live for, I would.

I suppose it's that time of year when concerts and plays and recitals all come to completion in performance. (One more week till finals!) I went to the shakespearian play King Lear. It was lovely, dramatic and heart-rending, (granted I didn't find myself quite as immersed in the deliciously melancholy tears I had hoped for,) but on the whole entirely worth going to. And then there was the Houghton Palooza. I know, the name speaks of too many late night coffees and comotose brain cells. It basically consisted of each of the (more than fifteen) bands on campus playing a few of their songs. I liked it. And although I have this hunch that the whole production was made to entice the perspective students this weekend, I still have visions of some innocents being stuck by a wave of shock as the building viabrated under their feet and they were met with screams of indisciferable language. :)

Yours truly,

butterfly girl

Niagra Falls

After arriving home from Fenwich Island, Mom, Hannah, Kayt and I went on an exclusively girls trip to Niagra Falls.
I suppose the first shock for me was the rather "L.A. feel" of things. Every shop had a neon blinking sign, music blaring, animate creatures moving, bright colors and all other symptoms of a tourist trap. Definitely a sensory overload.
The hotel we stayed in had a p00l, hot tub and cable television. What more do you need? :) We went swimming every day. Delightful
The Falls were amazing and awe-inspiring and a little scary-the mist pillowing out, freezing through jackets and layers. We got to go under the falls in this tunnel, during which Kayt and I delighted ourselves in creating a horror story of the slimy tunnel walls and yellow lighting. We also went to the Rain Forest Cafe. You walked in to a lush jungle filled with music and the sounds of animals. Every twenty minutes there was a thunder storm and the animated animals would move about. There were 2 huge fish tanks with various brightly colored fish swimming about. Loud. Fun. Surprising. A kids paradise.
Later we sent on a quick shopping spree. I recommend a store called "Winners." Name brand, classy, but fairly cheap.
But the highlight was "the sushi place." I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. It is the Japanese Yukaguni Restaurant on Fallsview Ave. We went there around 3 in the afternoon. No one else was there. Our waiter was super friendly and recommended some particular sushi rolls after we explained that this was our first experience with Japanese food. Chopsticks. Little dishes for soy sauce. And a small tray filled with sushi: California, cucumber, avocado, crab, spicy tuna rolls. Apparently groups of Japanese frequent the restaurant so what they serve is the real thing. He explained that to get the full flavor, one must stick the entire sushi roll in one's mouth. I can't even begin to describe the flavors. Sticky rice and silky fish, the gentle creaminess of avocado. And the flavors burst forth complementing each other in such an explosion that when you put it in your mouth, all senses are imediately concentrated on this indescribable variety of texture and taste in one little roll.
We went there twice. I don't think I have ever had such a savory experience in any restaurant. And the food isn't heavy. It leaves you perfectly full and happy. No honestly, one bite and I couldn't stop smiling.

Yours truly,
Butterfly girl

Happy Easter

Mother managed to cajole us into going freezingly to the sunrise service today. It was lovely. I have since molted many layers of finery from said service and am currently focused on soaking in a years worth of Vitamin D.
I have also had the shocking discovery that I am indeed a carnivore. I have eaten so little meat lately, simply because I tend to distrust cafeteria meat. But suddenly I am thrust into devouring Mom's cooking. Meats in sweet and spicy sauces, sausages. I find myself raving about meats I generally hold in disdain. But alas, all this heavenly home-cooking has simply strengthened my opinion that cafeteria meat is to be avoided,despite the slight craze it produces after eating good meat.
Our family has spent hours at the sea: gathering shells, flying kites, reading in the sun, and walking the streets and for once in a very long time I feel like I'm actually living gently. The sun and the ocean does miracles to ones disposition.
Jesus is risen and I find him in the most usual and unusual places.


Yours truly,

Butterfly girl

Spice cake, coffee, and philosophy

You're reading a good book
When you can eat it with spice cake
And neither the book nor the cake is ruined

I would like to inform you that
Philosophy is ruining my spice cake
The blue-gold taste of a summer day
Is suddenly sickly sweet
Proofs, fallacies and algorithms
Sticking to the roof of my mouth
Battery acid of life and death questions

For the first month I was in your class
I called it metaphysics, mortality and mind
It is "morality" not mortality
But my mind clings to that first fallacy

Philosophy may be enlightening
Or burdening or buzzing
But as weighty questions stand
I prefer enlightenment with spice cake

And Philosophy was made for coffee

Shadows

I started cleaning bathrooms
Because I love to sing
And there are good acoustics
And then I met your shadows


You're transparent in daylight
But in those bathrooms
I catch the worst of who you are

You make me want to curse tiles
Tell you that if you want to be invisible
Do a better job at it

You make me want to meet
More than what's left of you
And somehow make you live
Outside the inches

The sickly sweet smell of pizza
In the darkest stall
Ants
The shadows of your demons
Orange splatters of vomit
On the bottom of the toilet seat

Inspired again by a recital

I want your dreamy dress
And the way you sing German
So I can read between the lines
Of foreign words
I want the rose in your cheeks
The high color bursting from your mouth
A hummingbird trapped in a vaulted ceiling

Inspired by jazz

In love with a musician:

The jewel in your hands
Sings as you finger it
Your soul escapes in notes
And I have the audacity to think
I grasp the entirety of you
Signing music "with love..."

High cheek bones flushed
Perfect eyes so focused they break me
Pleading with notes
That color my very breathing in
Love with the music

Others move to the music
But you
You move as if the music is in you
No one in the room
As I watch
Eyes sing heart-shaped harmony
Breath base
Fingers melody
And dare to dream I could make your kind of love

And then wake up to black fingers
And crumpled papers
And know I make love with ink

I have discovered verse novels

from yours truly.

PARIS
Paris, you torture me so
The Ifle Tower
A humming bird
I cannot catch
To become it's colors

STOP
Stop, Italy
Stop twirling me
Thinking you can make me dance to the sound of Venice
Stop seducing me with the smell of coffee
And the thought of boats
Stop because
Should I ever fall into your heart
I will be ruined for life


CHAINS
Chains hiss around my eyelids
I need to keep dreaming and doing
If I rest on only dreams
I will wake up in chains
Unable to do
If I rise to only do
I will sleep in chains
Unable to dream.


EVERY NIGHT
My bed luxuriously swallows me
Laying me to rest
At the bottom of bruised muscles and melting will
Happy oblivion of human wrinkles
On a curb
Under the newspapers
I wake up to every morning

FINDING A HOLE IN A PAIR OF 6 MONTH OLD JEANS
Is like savoring a bar of expensive ten-square chocolate
I take one tiny bite each day
Only to realize that the other nine squares
Are made of baking cocoa

Today's epiphany: Kill it with love.

All you need is love, but a little chocolate wouldn't hurt either

Last night I went to an amazing flute concert. There was this one piece with the piano accompanying. It was so beautiful I had to close my eyes and watch the pictures floating behind them as the music soared. Music can tell the most touching stories if you just close your eyes.

Yours truly,
butterfly girl

"rosemary pamplemousse"

Today in the shower I read for the first time the name of a body wash I've had since the biginning of the semester: "rosemary pamplemousse"

What kind of a name is that?!

"I want to do with you what Spring does with the cherry trees."

Introduced today to a Spanish poet, pablo Neruda...and somehow his poems are just as beautiful in English.

yours truly
butterfly girl

Just returned from taking a Ed Psych test. .The subsequent essay I began with Miracle Max's famous line: "Ah, true love is the most noble cause...except for a nice MLT, mutton, lettuce and tomatoe, with the mutton nice and lean. mmmmmm. That's so perky."
The essay was about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Don't ask me how I incorperated the quote. It was a long and strenuous process. :)

It's sunny and gorgeous today. Twice in a row! Studants are wearing T-shirts outside despite the half-foot of snow and I do not wish to imagine the delusion acting upon those who subject themselves to such a severe case of goosebumps. However I do applaud the "I defy winter" attitude.

Spring is in the air and I feel like a child a month (or two) before Christmas.

Yours trully
butterfly girl

Quote of the Day: This pizza is like 3M. It makes me question the integrity of everything.

Things to do before I turn 30: don't laugh!:)

Buy a red dress.

And red heels.

Try a Martini.

Visit my sis in Holland.

And the ifle tower.

(Finally) get my driver's licence.

Have my own apartment.

Put $ in mutual funds.

Send a valentine to a celebrity.

Yay for breaks!

Goodness Gracious it's already March!

Well we just had a four day delightful break. Here's to movie-marathons, angels on treacherous roads, horse riding (for the first time since I was....9?), and homemade food. :)

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and angels but have not love, I am but a noisy gong or a clanging symbol.

Happy Valentines Day! Or as some of my more outspoken friends skeptically call it happy "yay for singleness day."
But darlings today has been lovely. I'm enjoying the chance to wear pink or red and have immersed myself in the most gloriously romantic world of black and white movies....with, of course, Audry Hepburn. The is something so pure about those films. They do not sink to the level of depravity often brought about by seeking to fulfill the "happy ending" wish, but rather sing a harmony so potent that one's heart chords cannot help but quiver. :)Ihave a perfect right to use romantic language. I am 20 and therefore declare the right to such language any day I wish, especially Valentine's day.
Last Thursday I went to the Cabaret. It was glorious and consisted of various musical numbers from different musicals, including "Luck be a Lady" and the scandalous "He had it Coming." As you can well imagine I am quite the responsive audience towards books, movies, but especially musicals. I am that crazy lady that sits there, hands clasped over her heart, sighing at every song. I found myself being more wary in such a small audience, fearful of odd glances.
And I finally got to go to that baptist church.The sermon was on God's love. 1 John 5:3 "For the love of God is this, obey his commandments." It's so simple and true and so overlooked.
And now I wish you a wonderful valentines day. I wish you pink skirts and chocolate and poetry and best of all, some Jesus love.

Yours truly,
Butterfly girl

Maybe I am an alien

In Metaphysics, Morality and Mind (3M) we learned about identity.

We have thus established that human beings are:

misologues

rational animals and...

epistemic agents


Somehow I am feeling less than human.

Maybe I am a Giletian after all. :)


yours truly,

Butterfly girl

Self-Talking-essay

Not unlike most high school seniors I had become vividly aware that my particular high school was just down right “crazy.” This conclusion came on the not-particularly-momentous occasion of me being late to class and walking down the empty halls. A woman ahead of me was talking animatedly about a student that had apparently gained her admiration. “He’s just such a sweet boy and so good to!” I looked up…only to find her talking to herself. I heard loud swearing as I passed a classroom where our beloved and ancient substitute stood screaming at the terrified freshmen about World War II. Yet it was not just this occasion but many others that led to my conclusion. Memories of the class cowering as our physics teacher engaged in an air-gun war over our heads. Watching the video screen as we zoomed a little remote car down the halls….only to see it crash into what inevitably was the superintendent’s shiny shoes. That time when the class valedictorian almost held a protest in the gym. And our english teacher jumping ten feet every morning as the door was banged open and the shout “GOOOOOD MORNING!” rang down the halls.
Now that I look back on all those proofs that my high school was “crazy,” it almost makes me a little nostalgic. In fact, perhaps it is the very appeal of these behaviors that prove they are not normal-for the same reason that a practical joke appeals to those looking for a laugh. However, nobody finds it appealing when someone is molested or murdered. This demonstrates that the breaking of particular social norms is less punishable when they are informal norms, otherwise known as folkways. Breaking folkways is only mildly punished, or sanctioned, more so by other’s reactions, then by the law itself. I myself have engaged in the breaking of folkways.
I was leaning against the doorframe that separates our kitchen from the entry way. Unsatisfied. I had just engaged in brief conversation during the course of which I had the intense feeling of being looked upon with the surreptitious disdain and condescending superiority. I concluded that my social skills needed work and lost no time in working on them. I rewound the conversation in my head and was going over my responses word by word, rewording, adjusting pauses, tone and body language.
Iwas entirely engaged in this editing process when my brother walked in. He glanced in the kitchen, curious. “Who’s here?”
“Oh, um nobody.” I looked up sheepishly, mortified.
Grin. “You were talking to yourself weren’t you?”
I decided to take the plunge and launched into a lengthy explanation of why I was entitled to touch up my social skills after an unsatisfactory conversation, knowing that this talking-to-myself habit would be brought up in front of Mom and Dad. So I did the only thing I could…laughed and hoped to God I could live it down.
I think that this particular breaking of a social norm, is unique in that my brother’s reaction did not try to explain it away. He witnessed me going through the stage where I put various food products on my face claiming that it was a “facial,” and that time I decided to glue “gems” to my forehead or when I randomly started catapulting food at my (most likely scarred for life) younger sister. He has probably been convinced that I was hatched on some extra-terrestrial rock, since the age of two. Therefore, no explanation was necessary.

Socially, this shows how my brother is used to these normative clashes. What our society defines as normal behavior in school or at home, institutionalized norms, is rarely challenged. Because of societal expectations it is easy to become ethnocentric. Simply put, this is the judging of other cultures by one’s own cultural norms. Perhaps in some cultures it is normal to talk to oneself…some psychologists call this self-talking and claim that it aids learning. However, this is not a social norm in the society in which I grew up-made clear by my use of it as proof that my high school was “crazy” as well as my brother’s indication that talking to myself was funny and clearly not normal. Internalizing Newman’s discussion on what is considered “normal” has given me a broader perspective on just how much society can limit an individual’s world view with these norms. Yet it is the norms that hold that society together…even with the occasional individual that “self-talks.”

Yours truly,
Butterfly girl

Plato and My Search for Truth-essay

“I hate Plato. Man these relationship just aren’t working out. First I was in love with Dante because I thought he wrote Utopia and then I realized it was Sir Thomas Moore who wrote it and we had a picture of him but he looked horrible and now Plato has me reeling.” I was talking animatedly to my friends over the lunch table. They look at me as if I was hatched on some extra-terrestrial rock. I’m used to it.
I am not a philosophically minded person. It is not so much that I detest Plato, but rather it is the abhorrence of that brain-hurting feeling I receive after a good dose of Phaedo. Neither is it easy to detest the protagonist therein, Socrates, especially when he gives absolutely brilliant arguments for something which I am predisposed by my very religion to be in favor of: the immortality of the soul. Naturally, one would like to believe in the soul’s immortality, while practically at death’s door, as Socrates was. Yet his rational discussion proves that this is indeed a logical statement, and not simply the desperate need to believe that there will be something left of oneself after death.
Perhaps the basis of my conclusion that I am not a philosophically minded person, stems from the fact that I am a total romantic. My sense of beauty comes from the colors and shapes I see, or the music I hear. Socrates, however believes in Forms. That is, he states that the beauty we see around us is merely an example of Beauty itself. This statement is parallel to the metaphysical idea that the world is really only as we sense it. Put simply, we can never really be sure of anything that we see or feel or otherwise sense. I like to believe that what I sense is indeed reality. And it is that rather selfish notion that makes me begrudge Socrates his brilliance. It makes me question everything, even my most basic beliefs or axioms. It is humbling, and needless to say, uncomfortable. People do not like to question their own beliefs especially when they have been held in happy naivety for quite some time.
Philosophy has suddenly thrust me out of that happy naivety. What is truth and knowledge? What is good? What is reality? I am bombarded with questions and at times quite tempted to throw up my hands and scream, “Are there ever any answers?!” As if hearing my scream Socrates addresses that very issue. He warns against this disillusionment with argument. It ultimately comes from a person with faulty philosophy rather than the argument itself. He also encourages his friends to avoid the trap of simply wanting to win an argument, but rather to find the truth for oneself. Philosophical discussion is not for the exasperating purpose of proving one’s own cleverness. This general disillusionment is referred to a misology. It is like misanthropy-when someone has trusted so many people who prove themselves untrustworthy, that they simply stop trusting anybody. Misology is like this except with arguments.
Although most certainly one of the more dizzying classes in my college career, exploring it thus far has made known to me my ability to logically argue for the immortality of the soul, without the traditional response, “Well, it just is.” So I must concede that Plato has grown on me, despite my periodic lapses into misology. After all the Latin roots for philosophy means a love of wisdom. I imagine if Socrates were to try to dissuade me from this misology, he would simply restate “while I have breath and strength, I will not give up the search for wisdom.” [Apology] And what is wisdom, but the knowledge of that which is truth? Suppose one does spend all their life searching for truth, yet never find it? It would be a far greater tragedy for me to let the disillusionment of my own inexperience prevent me from that search. So did Socrates ever find that truth? I think he did. And I believe I shall.

Yours truly,
butterfly girl

Sleeping Beauty

I have been thinking about Sleeping Beauty. I joined our hall Bible study and was thinking about giving my testimony and came to the conclusin that it is rather like the story of Sleeping Beauty. Or should I say "Briar Rose"...really who gives their child that kind of a name? It begs the question whether they thought she was a thorn or a rose.
I never really held her in high esteem as a child-not only was she far too beautiful and required my utter disgust, but I felt that she was, well, plain stupid. I mean honestly as a sixteen year old, with parents who frantically went into "let's burn all the spining-wheels in the kingdom" mode, surely she had inquired why. "Mom, really, why?! Why all the fuss?!" "Well, dear, we don't want you to prick your finger." to which a sixteen year old would have naturally responded with a resounding "PULEASE! Do you honestly think I will prick my finger on a spinning wheel?" and stomped upstairs muttering mutinously.
Naturally she finds a spinning wheel and can't resist touching to see if it really will prick her finger. And then commences to fall into acoma for who knows how long. Maybe her parents feed her and talk to her while she sleeps and then just when they are sure that she will never wake, Mr. crazy Prince shows up. He insists that all it takes is a kiss. Really?really? maybe some heart shockers...they don't even know if there's any brain waves. Oh, not to mention all the other beautiful and elegible ladies who happen to NOT be in acoma. But no, no, he chooses this one.
And then she get's to ride off into the sunset?! What about all the weavers her parents put out of a job, or all those other ladies that were actually awake for most of their lives. And everybody's OK with that?!
I think a lot of times, God is like that prince. We're busy being stupid, and he suddenly sweeps out of nowhere with the amazing redeeming act of love and we, who deserve it least get the Prince. And it doesn't make sense.
Yours truly,
butterfly girl

Giletians

The devos in the shower stalls scream "Welcome Back Giletians!" I squint at it again...surely the sleep in my eyes must be fooling me. Sure enough, it says "Giletians." All I can think is that I never really got the impression that we were that alienistic, but then again, some mornings I am feeling rather like an extraterestial stumbling through academic buildings...the sweet romance and mystery of Jane Eyre passing before my eyes. The plot is thickening with the mysterious Grace Pool and Blanche Ingram and I can hardly breath as I watch it all unfold.
Wow, to think that I am already in the throws of Spring Semester!I delight in the name "spring semester," however little truth it may currently hold. This lack of truth became abundantly clear when I realized that iceskates may be a more efficient way of getting to classes, as well as when I realized I had caught the dreaded cold and was stuck carying a box of tissues around. I am not a good sick person, somehow I always manage to convince myself that I am on the verge of death....death by sniffles and words like "morning" that end up sounding like "bording."
I have a job this semester. YAAAY! It's cleaning the women's bathroom's...but it isn't in a dorm..so no showers to scrub! A kindly boss, good acustics, and that little slot that makes the "juuup beeeep" sound when you clock in and out...oh, and then there's that super tipsy mop bucket on the second floor that has it in for me. But all in all I like it....I'm naturally a clean freak and it was easy to get in the routine.
Speaking of work, I have delighted in writing several essays, (that is after the procrastination stage...) Some of which I have shared with you already...I figure in my long absence from blogging I should show you that I have indeed remained a productive, or at least imaginative student.


Yours truly,
Butterfly girl

Twenty

Ah, twenty..what to do with you?

Well now I have every excuse to wear soaring heels and silk. We celebrated my birthday at home. It was sweet, a delicious super, and the next day presents. I got an amazing pair of redish-purply-bluey mittens that mom knit and have worn them practically every day since. Every girl needs a pair of mittens, not to mention a smashing necklace made by my beloved Kayt.

And then there is this strangely beloved contraption, of whose name I am unaware. But after a deep discussion of why my current alarm clock was precisely 3 hours and 15 minutes behind and much struggle to correct that state, by which I had lived happily for at least a year, this newfangled contraption does the trick and plays music. I shall name it...perhaps Alexandra. Can't you just see an opera singer named Alexandra? Alighting the stage in a huge billowy ball gown?

In fact on the actual date I found myself quite moved when cards began arriving...I had forgotten it was my birthday. I suppose the most "becoming twenty" moment was when a friend fixed me hot chocolate. "Oh, make it all beautiful with whipped cream and chili powder!" And she did just that, steaming dripping over the sides of the cup with a gently swirled foam on top. I don't believe I have ever felt quite so sophisticated drinking hot cocoa. It was lovely.

Wishing you chocolate and big dreams.

Yours truly,
Butterfly girl

My Beloved Jane Eyre

So the train ride was back was actually quite lovely. I felt sophisticated, grown up and at long last...rather bored. Thank God for Jane Eyre and music. Speaking of the lovely Jane Eyre, she had me balling my eyes out over the various injustices inflicted upon her, not to mention the death of Helen Burns. My friends met me, half-crazed at supper declaring that each and every one of them were absolutely required to read Jane Eyre. And found myself vowing to become a writer. Compulsive, but oh, so delightful. After all my very love, Anne of Green Gables was a writer.

So the train seemed to gently dissolve until I found myself waiting outside the train station quite benumbed from the whole ordeal. Not to mention the literal fact that the station was closed for the weekend and the wind bit cruelly at my ever-so-fashionable-but-ever-so-inadequate J. Crew inspired outfit. Winter boots, leggings and a skirt! Maybe for 2 minutes outside. PULEASE! A mere half-hour into the hour I was bound to wait, I found myself acutely aware and appreciative of Jane Eyre's suffering during those horrid school hours in which they were forced to spend outside and she didn't even half a coat! I made a quick acquaintance with the other apparently stranded girl and when our faithful ride came, we were able to get her to her boarding school.

God reminds me once again that He is good and that my patience needs stretching. And, He rescues us from running into the car ahead of us after it screeches to a stop due to a deer.

Needless to say by the time we finally got to Houghton, I was in (what my Psychology professor would call) the Parasympathetic, emergency mode stage. Aka: high off of adrenaline.But now I am safe and sound and continuing to get lost in the wonderful story of Jane Eyre. And I wish the same to you.


Yours truly,
Butterfly girl

The fine art of demolishing

Jordan and I leave tomorrow....I for one am rather glad that there was a lack of transportation back to Houghton. It means J and I will be driven to Albany and then part ways taking various trains and buses. I am actually quite excited. "Oh, yay! Riding in a train makees me feel so much more grown up and la-ti-da-ish!" They know I am about to be 20 in human years but are sure I hail from some distant planet in whose years I am but a young child still enamored with life and romanticizing everything. I plan to keep it that way.
The past week has mostly consisted of J and me doing demolishon work for Dad. I actually like the routine. We have 10:00 and 3:00 breaks and are paid through our lunch hour. Although I have discovered a deep and abiding love for fancy clothes and soaring heels, it was refreshing be at the opposite end of the spectrum for a while. Snow pants and huge clunky boots, a jacket so huge and floofy it made me look like a turtle and a scarg up to my eyes. I looked like I very large burnt marshmellow and felt like the kid brother in "A Christmas Story" who can't move his arms. :)
We worked, shed layers and brought eachother's attention to our "brute strength." You wanto see a gun show?....Squirtguns!Your muscles are so still they're making pearls!...hear that sound....that's my brute strength right there...Crow bars raised above our heads.."uhuhu" Jord would take down a wall and I'd shriek in delight at plying up a single floor board. The wonder bars are look like miny crow bars and I took to calling them magical bars. Oh, and then there's that heater they call the salamander. I'll never forget that one day years ago when Dad got a call and was talking about a salamander...we insisted that he take us up to show us...and were sorely dissapointed at the sight of a big, orange heater. So we did it! That is, successfully took down several walls, as well as layers of floorboards. Although I certainly don't plan on making demolishon work my daily occupation...I have discovered that hacking madly at things can be great fun.
So...my suitcase is packed, (with much shoving and rearanging and huffing and puffing,) next semester's books are ordered and I am ready once again to delve into the college routine of papers, caffiene, and hopefully a few more snow ball fights.


Wish me luck!

Yours truly,
Butterfly girl

Hands, traintracks, and penny-candy

I am staring at my hands. There is a black stain on my right middle finger from my writing all my Merry-late-Christmas-cards. In a romantic way it reminds me of Joe in the book little women I think my fingers shrink when they are cold and dehydrated. I can tell they're dehydrated because when I press on the tip of one, the dent stays for a while.....a long sip of water....I could look at hands forever. Especially other people's hands. I think you can tell a lot about a person from their hands. And what role do nails play?
My Grandma's hands have long fingers and thinly veiled veins, but when you hold them you feel the callouses of years of hard work, scrubbing, cooking etc. We went to Ohio, to visit her over Christmas. I loved it. I swear she makes the best cinnamon roles ever. And of course we got to see cousins and participated in the traditional smashing of pennies on the nearby train tracks. There's a thrill when those striped poles come down and you hear the trains whistle...and then it is suddenly thundering by shaking the ground beneath you. And then of course we search for those flattened pieces of copper. The older ones have lead inside so that when the are smashed there is a thin line of silver on the outside of the copper oval.
My Grandma's crazy. She is one of the few people that can be entirely conservative and yet very adventurous at the same time. She once went on a Cruise to Alaska with my great aunt. The act like little girls together...giggling etc...but they had to convince her to wear a pearl necklace when they took their picture with the captain. :)
We volunteered with her at the thrift store where she works and at night drove through a park filled with Christmas lights...fountains and moving animals and there was one barn with lights that blinked to the tune on a certain radio station. Kaytlin and Mom and I explored graveyards...Kayt and I found the oldest gravestones...and were quite scandalized to find that some ALIVE people had actually already had their plot of land and a gravestone. "PUUULEASE! I'm totally letting later generations worry about what to do with my body." Which preceded a rather morbid discussion in which I upheld the romance of having one's ashes scattered with flower petals in some sparkling river or floating on a bed of flowers with a white dress on some canoe over a water fall....and Kaytlin upheld in explicit detail the entire grossness of the whole thing.
We went caroling and us kids skipped over to the one remaining penny-candy store I know of...but alas! It is no longer a penny-candy store...now the cheapest is 2 cents! We watched lots of television to make up for our utter lack of television at home and we laughed a lot.

And now I am home...with the delicious pine smell of the tree and the biting cold and the smell of the wood smoke from our chimney. It's so beautiful...but I am still moving south "when I grow up." And despite my cold hands I hope you to are having a warm, sweet, red-bow, pine-smelling, chimney-smoke Christmas.


Yours truly,
butterfly girl

Red and White

White is for snow. The kind of teasing snow that falls at Hougton, never quite sure whether it will stick or melt. The stars on the front of buildings, the Christmas trees. (I was sorely disappointed when curiosity urged me to pinch a few needles and smell -I was met with the cold reality the they were fake. :) And those beautiful white Christmas lights and cookie parties and Christmas caroling and movies and hot cocoa a cider. The snow that despite my fervent efforts at regalness, shuns high heels and laughs through tights and shrugs. The snow that throws every one into acquiring winter coats and boots and gloves and hats. Oh, and that ice on the side-walk that has us all splitting our sides laughing as we cross it, sprawling uncontrollable out, legs flying in all directions. And my first snowball fight in what? 2 years (my last winter spent in Africa.) I commentated as we all shrieked and ducked behind imaginary enemy lines and carefully flung our spherical, wind-resistant missiles. Towards the end we all began collapsing, huffing and puffing and one girl (who had grown up with five brothers)took to the desperate tactic of simply charging at people. :) I arrived back in the dorm room looking like the abominable snowman. "There were snipers, I was forced to engage in battle."

Oh,and perhaps it is the snow that has me suddenly craving red. Red silk blouses and red lace and large red bows and red shining Christmas tree ornaments. And red also for La Tomatina! Naturally, in it's traditional celebration in Spain it does not take place in December. But we were determined to celebrate it, before the semester let out and some friends left for their spring semester in England. If you have never heard of La Tomatina, it is a delightful holiday in which people commence to throw tomatoes at each other. We purchased...12. They were rather hard, so to makeup for that we reused them, and "juiced" each other. By the time we were done, the quad was scattered with mysterious pieces of tomatoes, and we were covered in seeds. G-R-O-S-S. But thoroughly DELIGHTFUL, not to mention stress relieving (in the face of semester finals and frantic studying.)

I sign off wishing you some red and white.

Yours truly,

Butterflygirl

Playing Grown-Up

I am still catching up. I sit here at the computer feeling all grown up in my silk bathrobe, but engaging in the thoroughly un-grown-up practice of eating kix out of a box. I suppose if I was sipping orange juice from a wine glass and eating some kind of aesthetically pleasing toast, I might feel entirely grown up.
Well, Thanksgiving break was delightful. Rachel once again drove me to Rochester. And a few hours later Mom and Dad picked me up. And in those few hours I revelled in simply being surrounded by actual civilization. AND shopping to my hearts content. I found myself confiding in shoe store sales-women. I was trying on high-heels. "Oh, I love these." Walking back and forth in high heels each of which I wanted to simply pick up and kiss. There are adorable "Mary-Poppins" high heels with a buckle and small heel, and then those dark purple high heels, that really make me feel like I'm 20. High-heels do that to you. At nineteen, twenty still seems so far off, but when I wear high heels, they have this magical way of transporting me through time and I AM twenty. "You know, I've always wanted red high heels, although my mother would probably be scandalized." (As I teeter back and forth in a red silk pair with soaring heels.) I didn't buy those. I suppose I'll wait till I'm twenty. :)

So we visited Dad's family for thanksgiving...thoroughly stuffed ourselves and did a lot of Christmas shopping. Have you ever visited the Christmas Tree Shop? Oh, the smell fills you with nostalgic memories...kind of like how the smell in a coffee shop makes me want to wear high heels and read poems.

And before I know it I am back in school preparing for finals and Christmas break.

Yours truly,
butterfly girl