Rain and Rebelliousness

Happy New Year! And best of luck with New Year's resolutions. I've lately been pondering the concept hullabaloo of these resolutions. And realized that too often I use the promise of change in the coming year to forget that I have been changed in the past year...and that matters too.

So I made a New Years resolution, but it's tricky. It's one of those things that I can't immediately implement. I decided to help when I should and could and not just when I wanted to. There are so many instances when I have time and strength to help in some way, and don't because I forget that it's not my time, it's God's. I've given this gift of life back to Him, because he will transform it into something more beautiful than I can ever imagine or attempt.

Yesterday was three kings day. I found my departure notice on our cabin door. And suddenly realized that I have less that 10 days left before leaving. That morning I awoke with that high school feeling of procrastination, but I suddenly found my day full as the departure notice glared at me from our door.

Things like saving documents from the computers and getting pictures from roommates...debriefing...stratening out finances, packing for Ireland and Scotland...notes to friends here. I had the epiphany that I was addicted to self inflicted organization as I stared at the lists and lists of things to be dome. I will be spending a week in Ireland and Scotland with Janene and Jo(anna). So there's also the preparation for that. It'll be a good winding down and adjusting time. Getting used to civilization and cold and yet still being with people who were here.

I readily dove into the to-do pile...but the ship walls felt crushing and I found myself rather nostalgic and apathetic. People came back from the three kings parade...chilled and wet from the rain. And that was the last straw. My mind crazily spinning at the idea of fresh air and puddles I rushed outside. They all passed me in the opposite direction, giving me looks as if I was some foreign creature from another planet.

And there out in the rain I felt like I could breath again and took deep breaths. Smiling was simply irresistible and I fought giggling...simply at the sheer freeness of being able to walk alone and the lights that shine from the towns on the mountains like endless possibilities. It felt so beautifully rebellious not to succumb to their fancy clothes and thoroughly enjoy getting soaked through as all the well-dressed models of Tenerife cower under umbrellas. Golden.

And that felt like how the new year should start...glimmering and fresh with the balance God gives me in my ricocheting day-to-day life and the crazy Jesus imbalance of wanting to shout for joy simply because I am alive.